cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
