we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
