the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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