We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
