My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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