Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
