she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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