she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
