tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
