The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
be right there i have to get my cape
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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