wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
