wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Randomize
