It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
