Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
