yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
