this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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