You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
The feeling are messing with the penis
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
