Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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