You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
