So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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