Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
