Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
