Me too!
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
