he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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