If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
