I could have mohawked her pubes.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
