dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
