Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
