You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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