Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
