Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
