I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
