"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
