FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
