I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
