And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
