i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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