Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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