I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
