My room smells like vodka and shame
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
