He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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