At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
