Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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