You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
