I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
