I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
The feeling are messing with the penis
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
