We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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