I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
