I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
His hands were made for my vagina.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
