Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize